Upgrade

An old joke but i think it's still funny...what do you think...

UPGRADE FROM BOYFRIEND TO HUSBAND

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support

Thank you Blalang @ Isu Hangat

Things to Ponder

• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
• Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
• "I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
• Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

Thank you Chemelec @ telus.net 

Malam yang dingin

Di suatu malam yang dingin, di dalam sebuah bilik yang sederhana besar, di atas katil......sepasang suami isteri yang telah lanjut usia baru masuk tidur. Suaminya telah mula mengantuk tapi isterinya terbangkit perasaan ghairah malam itu....

Si isteri bersuara,
"Dulu-dulu tu.... abang selalu pegang tangan saya bila kita nak tido."

Suaminya dengan separuh sedar, menggenggam tangan isterinya, lepas tu mula mengantuk semula.

Beberapa ketika lepas tu, si isteri bersuara lagi,
"Kemudian tu.... abang selalu cium saya."

Si suami dengan rasa terganggu, mengangkat kepalanya dan menyentuh bibirnya ke pipi si isteri. Lepas tu sambung tido balik.

Selepas beberapa saat, si isteri bersuara lagi,
"Kemudian tu.... abang selalu gigit-gigit leher saya......."

Dengan perasaan marah dan geram, si suami melontar selimutnya dan bangun dari katil tu.

Si isteri bertanya, "Abang nak gi mana tu?"

Dengan marah suaminya menjawab,
"Nak gi amik gigi ...la ni"

Thank you Blalang @ Isu Hangat